The Co-op’s Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

Check out our NOVEMBER 10 FOR 30 MEMBER BENEFITS TO STOCK UP FOR THE IMPENDING APOCALYPSE.

1. Be Fit

If worst comes to worst, you can always run away to fight another day. This is rule number one when it comes to zombies and it clearly makes a lot of sense. Begin training now by riding your bike for trips shorter than 5 miles instead of taking your car.  You’ll increase your stamina and get into shape.  You might just help prevent global warming while you’re at it.

2. Know your local grocery store

Chances are, once the world’s gone crazy, folks aren’t going to be showing up for work.  But the brick and mortar of your local grocery store will still be there.  However, if you’ve never been in there before, you’ll waste precious time walking down aisles searching for the products you need.  At this stage in the game, you need to be in and out quickly before you get trapped.   Shop small stores, like a Co-op, and know them well.  Zombies are more likely to go where they think more people are, like Big Box stores.

3. Driving safety rules

Check your seatbelt! If zombies get into the car while you are driving, you can still use the brake trick to eject them through the windscreen. Also always check the back seat before entering the vehicle and keep out from the windows if possible.   Of course, riding a bicycle instead of these deathtraps is always a better option whenever applicable.

4. No Attachments

This is a tough one but you cannot have attachments. If you got kids or a wife you’re less likely to survive then the gal or guy who has no attachments and nothing slowing him or her down. Or worse yet making bonehead decisions like ‘going back home’ when you know that the whole place is crammed with zombies  – including your family and neighbors. Be ruthless: the weak and compassionate will not survive in a zombie apocalypse.

5. Travel in a Group

Going it alone gives the zombies no choices but to eat you. Going it with the old man with the limp, the little kid or the pregnant woman give the zombies more options and gives you better odds you can run away faster then they can.  Create a committee, maybe they’re fellow members from a Co-op or horticultural society.  Like-minded people who understand the importance of healthy living, being responsible citizens and, well, surviving.

6. Think of strategy

Remember that zombies are a primitive life form. Their brain functions are just high enough to allow them to move and attack. They will not feel pain, nor can they be reasoned with. If surrounded by zombies, climb a tree or a wall and take aim from there.*

*SUPER TIP – Living in a college town now can assure that you will be surrounded by free thinkers and problem solvers.  It’s never too early to plan smart.

7. Always take a lot of supplies

Buying bulk food is a great way to save space in your bag for the more important things, like a chainsaw.  Those bulky containers just take up space and create more food waste.  Buy organic when you can because those processed foods tend to make you feel more sluggish.  Quantity AND quality.  Almonds are small and have a lot of protein but watermelons are the opposite of small and have little protein.  Be educated in your food choices.

8. Limber Up

When either fighting a zombie or running from zombies, it’s not a great time to be pulling a muscle or throwing your back out. Yoga is a great way to keep your body flexible. It may save your life.

9. Blend in

When the last time you saw a zombie try to eat another zombie? Walk slowly (until you MUST run), put your arms out in front of you an moan incoherently.  Make sure to put some rotten meat in your pocket for the smell so zombies will believe you are part of them.  Or just eat a lot of hummus.

10. Don’t be a hero

A good way to survive zombie attacks is to give them something else to chase down and eat – your friends. If you’re in a crowd of people, stand in the middle. Just remember it’s better to come up with the ideas and lead the group than to just be a follower. It’s the person at the back of the group during chases that gets eaten first.

11. Enjoy the Little Things

Stop to check out that flower, feed the birds and squirrels, or enjoy the sunset.  It could be the last time you do.

12. If You Get Bitten Keep It a Secret

So while fighting off that last wave of zombies with your bare hands, you took one for the team. Luckily for you it was somewhere easy to conceal. It’s just a scratch anyway, no point making a big deal about it. And even if you are infected, the antidote could be around the corner, there is always hope as long as you are alive!

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